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Dear Cincinnati Bengals,

What. The. Hell.

I’ve talked about before how I get to see very few Bengals games on TV, especially this year for some reason. I was resigned to only seeing you guys on TV during the playoffs – which I was positive you’d make – so it came as a pleasant surprise when I was flipping through the channels on Sunday (a rare activity for me, since I usually just wander between the devil’s triangle of ESPN, ESPN2, and the Weatherscan channel) and stumbled across the ol’ orange and black. It’s a Christmas miracle! I thought to myself with glee and promptly settled down to some serious football watching, armed with a plate of hastily-prepared, yet incredibly delicious nachos and an ice-cold Pacifico. This is going to be the best Sunday ever!

But since this is GBSB, where expectations go to die, and my excitement was short lived. In fact, I even flipped away from the game before it was over, so great was my disgust. Bengals, what the fuck was that travesty you called a football game??

Yeah, yeah, the score was close, the ref reversed a call, etc. et. al. cry me a fucking river, you losers. How could this game even be that close? The Bucs are the worst team in the NFC South (a division which the Saints are leading, for christ’s sake) and you let them get their first win off you. You lost your division lead to the Ravens and, even worse, the Steelers are now only one game behind! How are you supposed to make the playoffs, let alone the Super Bowl, if Chris Simms’ spleen is better at taking out players than your defense is? If the Falcons second-string can cake walk all over your collective asses, then how many points are Steve Smith’s Panthers going to score?

And Bengals offense, do you think you’re off the hook? Hell no. Start playing better, you chumps. 13 points in the last two games? That’s Raiders-style hideous. Carson, you looked so much better in pre-season than you do now, that it physically makes me ill. Don’t worry about the knee thing or the fact that your o-line might not be as good as it was last year – you are a great QB and we believe in you, buddy. Just lob the ball down the field and trust in your receivers to make the play. And speaking of receivers, if Chad Johnson reverting back to the faux T.O. lite-esque ass he was last season means that the offense puts up more points, then I say go for it. At least he was funny then.

Bengals, you may think I’m being harsh. Maybe I am. But I only yell at you because I’m disappointed in you, Cincinnati Bengals. Look, you don’t see me giving the same pep talk to my hometown team, the 49ers. I’ll let you in on a little secret why: they legitimately suck and they will continue to suck for a while yet. Bengals, you don’t suck. You have a cadre of players who already decent at their young age and who will only get better as they mature. There is hope for great things in your future: but there is also hope for the present. You need to live up to and exceed your potential.

So get out there and play like the fucking football players you know you are. You have a loyal and supportive fan base that believes in you and would follow you to the ends of the earth – or the Super Bowl.

Next time I watch you on TV, do your best to make me proud. Play football.

We played terrible. Do I really need to say more than that?

Our defense, once again, had trouble stopping the run. Willie Parker amassed 133 yards on 31 carries for an average of 4.3 yards per rush. If someone manages to get over three yards per carry that isn’t particularly good. Over four? Inexcusable.

I’m not encouraged by the way our defense has played, and I’m even less encouraged that they’re going to get better. With Pollack out for the year with a broken neck, and now Thurman out just as long with a broken brain, those are two missing puzzle pieces we needed.

I was very happy with the way Pollack was starting to come along towards the end of last ear. I’m afraid his injury will set him back. We’ll see in 2007 it would seem.

Thurman on the other hand…what is there to say? Stupidity rules the year for him. I’ll be shocked if he is back with the team next year.

Luckily for us on Sunday however, we didn’t need either of their services. We could have used them, but we were able to overcome them. We owe a debt of gratitude to a certain Steelers quarterback, one B. Roethlisberger.

What happens when your caretaker quarterback can’t take care of the ball? More often than not, you lose. Do I really need to go over the win/loss records of teams that come out on the short end of the turnover battle in a game?

And yes, all you Steelers fans who are already typing furiously comments to this post, Roethlisberger is a caretaker quarterback. His primary role is to not screw it up for the rest of the team. The run still dominates the Steelers offense, and a gifted passing talent isn’t needed, or possibly even wanted, at QB. A high-scoring, wide open offense is not the Pittsburgh way.

Yes, he does have an damned impressive record as the starter. Not to mention the fact that he can put a Super Bowl ring on his finger, despite his incredibly poor performance on Super Sunday. That does not change what his role is for the Steelers.

His mistakes, more than any other player, lead to the Bengals victory on Sunday. Once again our defense was able to create the mistakes we needed to win. I am happy that we won, but troubled by how we did it. I don’t like winning by turnovers.

As we all know, when a has a negative turnover ratio way more often than not they lose the game. There should be no argument when I say then, that good teams do not turn the ball over. If you want to beat a good team, sooner or later you’re going to have to stop relying on the strip or the pick, and just flat out prevent them from doing what they want to do with the football.

We haven’t beaten a good team yet. The Steelers may be a good team by the time we see them again New Years Eve. Right now however, with a 1-2 record and having played very, very poorly the past two weeks, no one can seriously argue Pittsburgh is one of the elite teams in the NFL. Not at this point in the season.

So I’m left to wonder how we’re going to do against the better teams in the NFL. At this point, after how the Patriots have played so far in 2006, I don’t think you can make the case they are among the elite of the league. I know all of the football pundits love to slurp The Golden Boy, but I’ve left my handkerchief in my other coat.

Looking at our schedule, we may not face a quality team until Baltimore on November 5. New England was the first team we faced with a winning record, and until we face the Falcons on October 29, none of the clubs on our schedule can boast the same. That’s not encouraging when you’re trying to gauge your team.

I think we can beat the Falcons, so we could very well be 8-0 when we go to Baltimore. If they are as for real as their 3-0 record suggests, we could be in for a contest.

The waiting truly is the hardest part.

Last Sunday proved one thing, at least: no one can stop the Indianapolis Colts. Not even the Bengals defense.

Okay, that’s being disingenuous. We already knew the defense couldn’t stop the Colts. At this point, the Bengals defense might even have a difficult time stopping David “please don’t sack me” Carr and the Texans.

But that’s old news. Here at GBSB we’ve continuously harped on the Bengals defense all season long. We get it, and now it’s probably too late to hope for a miraculous turn-around this year. Defensive strength will come over time, but it will be a product of smart drafting and a lot of hard off-season work by some key players, rather than wishful thinking.

Game	Top RB	Carries	Yards	Average	@Cleveland	R. Droughns	12	78	6.5
Minnesota	M. Bennett	3	36	12.0
@Chicago	T. Jones	27	106	3.9
Houston	D. Davis	19	81	4.3
@Jacksonville	F. Taylor	24	132	5.5
@Tennessee	C. Brown	18	84	4.7
Pittsburgh	W. Parker	18	131	7.3
Green Bay	T. Fisher	17	51	3.0
@Baltimore	J. Lewis	15	49	3.3
	Total	153	748	4.9

Here is the latest rushing table for your viewing pleasure. The Bengals are doing better in the run defense department, but perhaps that has more to do with Jamal Lewis than with the Bengals defensive line. Call it a hunch.I was beginning to wonder what happened to my fellow posters here at GBSB when neither of them had posted in a while. Then of course, I read the Forum and found that one is very sick and the other in the hospital. Note to self: Read the forum more often.

Get well soon, guys. It’s getting lonely up here on the front page.

No, I haven’t forgotten about my assurance last update that we’re going to figure out the Bengals Playoff chances, either. The Excel spreadsheet is done and all that is left is to play with wins and losses. Rest assured that I’ll make the spreadsheet available so youcan have fun with the AFC this year, as well.

Game	Top RB	Carries	Yards	Average	@Cleveland	R. Droughns	12	78	6.5
Minnesota	M. Bennett	3	36	12.0
@Chicago	T. Jones	27	106	3.9
Houston	D. Davis	19	81	4.3
@Jacksonville	F. Taylor	24	132	5.5
@Tennessee	C. Brown	18	84	4.7
Pittsburgh	W. Parker	18	131	7.3
Green Bay	T. Fisher	17	51	3.0
	Total	138	699	5.1

Above is the latest update to the rushing table I’ve been going over for the past few weeks. The Bengals did improve this week in their rush defense, and I would be trumpeting that fact if it were against a team other than Green Bay. The Packers running offense is completely inept and ranked 30th in the NFL.

What bothered me this week was the inability of the Bengals own offense to capitalize on the five turnovers Favre gave away (six if you count the fan stripping the ball). When your defense can grab five picks from the opposing quarterback, but your offense can only turn those picks into just seven points, that’s terrible. I’m hoping this was just a fluke, and the Bengals O will be back to its old self again against a Ray Lewis-less Ravens D.

Cincinnati has now reached the halfway point of the season after playing eight games. Normally, this would be a good place to stop and reflect on the season so far, and to look ahead to the back half of the year to see where our team is headed. However, I’m going to save that large update for next time, since that will be our bye week.

Next week we’re going to figure out just who from the AFC is going to make the Playoffs, and whether our Bengals are in that group. If we think Cincinnati is going to make it, we’ll decide if it’s as a Division Champion, or if they’ll get a Wild Card berth. We’re also going to play with some scenarios to figure out what has to happen for either case to come true.

For right now though, let’s all just hope that Jamal Lewis continues to suck as bad as he has this year, and doesn’t rip Cincinnati for huge yardage as he’s been known to do in the past.

I hope eight in the box is enough….

In my last post I talked at length about the primary cause of the Bengals woes this season, the run defense. I went on to say that I was worried such lackluster play was going to haunt them against the Steelers. Once again, I hate being right.

The Steelers ran for 221 net yards on the ground Sunday, while Roethlisberger could only lead Pittsburgh to a mere 83 net passing yards. The Steelers big yard gainer on the day once again proved to be Willie Parker, who racked up 131 yards on only 18 carries. Adding Parker to the rushing table from my last post, it now looks like this:

Game	Top RB	Carries	Yards	Average	@Cleveland	R. Droughns	12	78	6.5
Minnesota	M. Bennett	3	36	12.0
@Chicago	T. Jones	27	106	3.9
Houston	D. Davis	19	81	4.3
@Jacksonville	F. Taylor	24	132	5.5
@Tennessee	C. Brown	18	84	4.7
Pittsburgh	W. Parker	18	131	7.3
	Total	121	648	5.4

I realized I’ve harped on the inability of the run defense to do its job, and I think for good reason. After I wrote the last post however, I planned to switch it around and look not at how the Bengals have lost or how they could lose in the future, but instead focus on how they’re winning their games. I wanted to dig deep into the offensive stats and put together an essay on the accomplishments of the passing game along with the running attack, and show how that side of the ball is winning the war against the opposition. I never had the time I needed to construct that post, however.

After last Sunday against the Steelers, I’m glad I never found a chance to write. Now that post that I never got around to is much easier to start and finish. So I present to you, loyal GBSB readers, the “How the Bengals Win” post, in its entirety:

They play crappy teams.

And there you have it. The entire post only needs four words a period. They don’t get much easier to write than that, and there isn’t too much more to say.

I will add however, in an effort to support my simple, yet incredibly profound, argument, that a couple of posts ago I went through the four opponents the Bengals had faced up to that point. I concluded that we’d only beaten the bottom tier of the NFL with the victims then consisting of Cleveland, Minnesota, Chicago, and Houston. Those four teams currently have a combined record of 7-17. Each of them have losing records save only the Bears, whose 3-3 mark is thanks to three wins against the Lions, Vikings, and Ravens–not exactly a ringing endorsement of talent and skill, is it?Since Week 4 Cincinnati has gone 1-2 beating only 2-5 Tennessee. Toss the Titans into the pile and we’ve got five wins against a combined record of 9-22. That certainly doesn’t bode well for the rest of the year, now does it?

To belabor the point, the pair of losses were against the Jacksonville Jaguars and now Pittsburgh Steelers, of course, both of whom have records of 4-2. It seems that the verdict is clear, the jury is unanimous, and there isn’t any hope of an appeal.

The Bengals can easily climb over the bottom rungs of the NFL ladder, while we’re tripped up by any team better than average.

So enjoy the next two weeks, Bengals fans. November 20 is going to suck.

Although this season has undoubtedly been a success compared to seasons of yore, the Bengals still have a long way to go before they deserve to win the AFC North. While the loss to Jacksonville was somewhat unexpected, last week’s blowout by Pittsburgh was downright humiliating. The Bengals’ defense, of course, failed once again to stop the rush (as predicted by JANET).

I’m getting tired of being right.

In my very first post here at GBSB I told of my worries that the Bengals run defense was still very weak. On September 21, when our Bengals sat at 2-0, I bestowed this pearl of wisdom upon the Internet:

The Browns…managed to pick up a good running back in Ruben Droughns. Who…ran over the defense for 78 yards on only 12 carries. That’s 6.5 yards a touch…It also didn’t improve in Week 2 when Michael Bennett touched the ball three times and picked up 36 yards…I would argue [that] the biggest defensive problem from last year remains unsolved.

Here’s what the rushing defense has accomplished this year:

Game	Top RB	Carries	Yards	Average	@Cleveland	R. Droughns	12	78	6.5
Minnesota	M. Bennett	3	36	12.0
@Chicago	T. Jones	27	106	3.9
Houston	D. Davis	19	81	4.3
@Jacksonville	F. Taylor	24	132	5.5
@Tennessee	C. Brown	18	84	4.7
	Total	103	517	5.0

As the numbers plainly show, when totaling up the big yardage gainers for the past six games our Bengals are getting burned by each team’s top back for five yards per carry. Take in to account all of the rushers over this year and the defense ranks 21st in the league with an average of 4.9 yards given up per attempt. Keeping your opponents average in the three’s is considered good. The low to mid-fours means you could stand to improve. We’re sitting essentially at five yards every single time someone takes off down the field with the ball in their hands. This is not how you succeed in the NFL.

Why am I going that extra mile to harp on this now? One look at the schedule should tell you all that you need to know. This week the Steelers visit Paul Brown Stadium, and they bring with them 12th rated rushing offense in the NFL.

The deeper you look into the Steelers rushing stats the scarier the game starts to look for Cincinnati. After two big 100+ yard games by Willie Parker he has started to cool off a little bit, but thanks in large part to his newfound success the top running back in each of Pittsburgh’s first five games averages 4.3 yards per carry (Parker was the top rusher in four of those five games). Cincinnati has already allowed a pair of runners to hit the century mark with two more in the eighties and a third only missing that milestone by two yards.

After the performance in Jacksonville and the stats resulting from that game, coupled with the rest of the season so far, I’m worried that the Bengals are turning in to the Colts of last year. The Cincy offense is clicking and ranked third in the league, while the defense is ranked 16th in the NFL, dragged down by that 21st rated rushing defense paired with the 15th best passing D. I make the comparison to the Colts of 2004 because they finished that year with the third ranked offense in the NFL, while their defense was only ranked 29th. We all know how that movie ends.There is one other reason why I’m trotting out last year’s Indianapolis Colts, and that is to warn every Bengals fan out there about what is to come. Over the next 11 weeks you’re going to read a lot of stories and articles, hear quite a bit of babbling on sports talk radio, and see more than one television segment devoted to the incredible offense that Cincinnati is fielding every week. If you’ve been paying attention you know this has already started.

Commentators, analysts, and fans are going to be gushing with praise for everything related to the Bengals offense. Carson Palmer is the next Peyton Manning. Chad Johnson can stand along side Moss, Owens, and Harrison as the league’s best receivers. Rudi Johnson is an unstoppable freight train that proves getting rid of Dillon was the right move. All this and more is going to overwhelm your senses for the rest of the NFL season.

Do not believe the hype.

The Bengals are, right now, better than average. We’ve shown we can beat up on the little teams in the NFL, but Jacksonville exposed our squad as one that is maybe not quite as good as their record would lead you to believe. Cincinnati will likely finish the year with a strong record thanks in large part to their decidedly weak schedule, but don’t allow your hopes to soar too high quite yet.

Just ask your nearest Colts fan.

So now 2-0 has become 3-0 and the question still remains:  How good are we?

I think it’s a safe bet to say that the offense is in near perfect shape.  After only being able to capitalize on just a pair of Kyle Orton’s four interceptions in the first half, the offense managed to right itself in the second putting the ball into the endzone twice.  Chad Johnson has proved to be one of the NFL’s premier receivers, and Carson Palmer continues to impress all onlookers with his growth in the QB position.

Flipping over to the defense, we’ve got to ask ourselves a serious question.   Namely:  Have we played against offenses that are just that terrible, or is our defense instead rising up to the challenge?  I think we can all agree that the scoring capability of the Browns, Vikings, and Bears isn’t quite up to par in this young season so far.  Scoring however, is not the big question I have regarding the Bengal defense.

What has me wondering isn’t the lack of points by our opponents, but the incredible number of turnovers being generated by Marvin’s D.  Week 1 the Browns committed three as Dilfer tossed a pair of picks and lost a fumble.  This could rightly be considered a fluke playing against a subpar team such as Cleveland.

Week 2 saw Minnesota come to town, and Daunte Culpepper continued the trend he had set the week before.  By then end of the game he had connected with five Bengal defenders (three of those caught by Deltha O’Neal) while Michael Bennett had dropped a pair of his own on the turf.  Combined there were seven turnovers to give the Bengals a +6 ratio for the game.  This event, especially considering Culpepper’s previous exploits this year, could have merely been a coincidence.

Then we arrive at last Sunday’s game in Chicago.  Orton did his best Culpepper impersonation by tossing five interceptions himself while wide receiver Bobby Wade fumbled three times, one of which was recovered by Cincinnati.  That’s six on the day which gave the Bengals a +4 ratio after taking away the two lost fumbles split between Houshmandzadeh and Chris Perry.  Take that stat, together with the previous weeks, and you can’t help but think that maybe we’re starting to see a trend develop.

I want to tell you that our defense is just that good at causing the opposing offense to cough it up three, six, or even seven times a game.  I really do.  Thinking about each game however, I’m forced to step away from that ledge and rethink my position.

Cleveland would seem to support the argument I want to make, because in the two weeks subsequent to their Bengal bitch slap they haven’t turned the ball over once.  Neither the Packers nor Colts could get one from the Browns, which honestly surprised me.  Cleveland has fumbled a couple of times, but in each case a Brown fell on it to retain possession.

I cannot in good conscience however, make the case that the Bengal defense and that defense alone was responsible for the Viking ship that split and sank at Paul Brown in Week 2.   Watching highlights and subsequent game film breakdowns showed beyond any doubt that Culpepper was missing wide open receiver after wide open receiver.  At game time some of the sacks the Cincinnati defense pulled off appeared to be coverage sacks, with Culpepper unable to find anyone to throw the ball to.  A second look down the field however, revealed serious gaps in the secondary that he simply couldn’t exploit.  Apparently not having Randy Moss to look for had Daunte more rattled then he or the Vikings would like to admit.

Likewise I’m unable to put forward any kind of serious case that Kyle Orton was the victim of a swarming and tenacious defense that had him confused and shaken.  Actually it appeared to be true that Orton was in over his head last Sunday, but that isn’t surprising given that he is a rookie starting only his third game in the NFL.  Add to that the fact that he wasn’t even supposed to be playing this year, instead backing up the once again injured Rex Grossman,  and his awful play comes in to perspective.  I think we all remember some of the horrendously bad decisions our own C. Palmer made at the beginning of last year.

So in one out of the three games this year you could take the position that our defense managed to get in the heads of the other team’s offense and take some possessions away from them.  But then again you have to wonder, can lightning strike three times in a row?  Two picks, followed by five picks, and then caboosed by five more interceptions makes you start to consider the possibilities, however.

We’ve had our fluke, the coincidence, and quite possibly a trend.  The question is then, are we going to start to see a pattern this week against Houston?  And if we do, does it mean anything given that it’s the perennially below average Texans?

As I said in my last post, we really won’t know anything for sure until Week 5 at Jacksonville.